What is a Cuckold?
The word “cuckold” comes from the mating rituals of the cuckoo bird. The female cuckoo procreates with an alpha-male. He then goes on to impregnate other females cuckoos. The impregnated female returns to her beta-male mate, and they nurture and raise the baby birds born of her “one night stand.” The dictionary definition of a cuckold is “a man with an unfaithful wife.” Historically, if a woman cuckolded her husband publicly he became the object of scorn and ridicule. She was the adulterer and he was her cuckold. For the purposes of this essay, a cuckold is defined as being sexually aroused by his wife’s infidelity, so much so that he encourages, supports and engages in his wife taking other lovers.
I Have Cuckold Fantasies, My Wife Doesn’t. Now What?
Telling your wife or girlfriend about your cuckolding desires can be very scary and is a big risk. It is largely unaccepted by our society, so the topic must be handled very delicately, particularly in the beginning. Perhaps you have fantasized about seeing your wife, or merely allowing her to, have sex with other men. You have researched cuckolding and all that it entails, and the more you know about it, the more aroused you become. You are very anxious to embark on a cuckolding adventure with your wife, so much so, that you may even have thoughts of becoming cuckolded for life. Now all you have to do is convince her to try it, right? It seems like an easy sell, doesn’t it? Well, that may be because you are viewing this from your very unique and “male” perspective. Typically, men put the emphasis on sex, and women, on relationships. Since this is the case, many “wannabe” cuckolds make a critical mistake when posing the idea to their wives. In the male mind, when he proposes to his wife the idea that she is free to “have sex with other people” or worse, “fuck another man” he truly believes that he is giving her a gift. When in the woman’s mind, she is thinking, “This is going to ruin our marriage!” Women are socialized to believe that a good wife is one who is faithful to her husband, further, they are taught to nurture the relationship, not ruin it by sleeping around. Every healthy and viable relationship rests on the same fulcrum: communication. All relationships are hard work and require open and honest communication. Cuckolded marriages require even more work and communication than traditional ones. If the work aspect of cuckolding seems daunting to you, perhaps it’s best left on the fantasy plane.
It’s important to emphasize to your wife that cuckolding is not about sex, it is about relationships. Moreover, in a cuckolded relationship, it is about what each of you want from the marriage and from each other. There are a few questions that you can ask yourself to determine your level of commitment to the cuckolding lifestyle. These questions will open up a dialogue between you that should assuage many of her fears and apprehensions about embarking in cuckolding. Our sexuality is the most intimate part of our psyche. Everyone has a sexual self and secret desires that we keep hidden from even our partners, out of fear of rejection. So, to share this part of you with someone is to take an incredible risk. If you choose to share your answers to the following questions with your wife or girlfriend, you will be allowing her to peek into your secret, sexual self. Risk taking builds trust, because you have to trust the other person not to reject you. Any time you took a risk as a couple, it made your relationship stronger. Having children, buying a home, even marriage itself, are all huge, life-altering risks that we take as couples, and each one causes us to grow. Growth takes risks.
An Exercise to Start Sharing Cuckold Fantasies
Opening up and allowing your partner to see you, at the most intimate level, will most assuredly bring you closer together. You can use a pen and paper for this exercise, or, for a very sexy twist, you may wish to record yourself answering these questions verbally, and then play your responses to your wife.
- List two reasons why you love your partner and why you appreciate their willingness to enter the lifestyle.
- What you would do to ensure that it enhances the relationship?
- Tell your partner why you want to experience the cuckold lifestyle and how it can enhance the relationship.
- Tell your wife what your limits will be in the cuckold lifestyle.
- Ask her if she would share her limits.
- Discuss with each other the expectations each have for the other when your wife in cuckolding you?
- Discuss your expectations for her after she has been with a man.
- What do you find most sexually attractive about your wife?
- What do you think is sexy about your wife that another man would enjoy?
- What do you do sexually with your wife that brings you the most pleasure?
- What would you like to do with your wife that would give you the most pleasure?
- What do you do sexually with your wife that you think gives her the most pleasure?
- Describe in detail one fantasy you have about your wife.
When you present your responses to your wife set the scene for romance. Light some candles, play soft music, have some massage oil handy. Once you have shared your responses to these questions with your wife, ask her to respond. Prepare for a lively and sensual discussion. This kind of sharing is a wonderful gateway to intimacy. In many ways, this discussion will be your foundation as a couple in the cuckolding lifestyle, should she choose to embrace it. The cuckolding way of life is all about sharing and opening up to one other. If openness and intimacy do not happen, then you may be faced with the fact that you are not cuckolding, but rather just fucking other people and not enhancing your relationship in any way.
Calming Her Fears: Mental Obstacles to Cuckolding
In addition to assuring your wife that you are committed to a cuckolded marriage, you must also alleviate some of her fears and obstacles. There are three basic hurdles she will need to overcome, and she must have your help with overcoming them or you may never realize your dreams of being a cuckolded husband.
Cuckold Barrier Number One: Good Girls Don’t
In order for your wife (or girlfriend) to embrace the idea of cuckolding, she has to first do some mental gymnastics in order to prepare herself. The first barrier she has to overcome is the notion that is she “fucks another man it will ruin my marriage.” Simply take the emphasis off of “fucking another man” and place it on “enhancing the marriage” Don’t forget, as one Cuckoldress so aptly summarized, “Women think in terms of relationships and men think in terms of sex. You’re going to have to talk about re-defining the marriage and how it’s going to work as a cuckold marriage.” She goes on to say, “Believe me, your marriage will change…once your wife gets more than that pathetic four inches you can offer her.”
Cuckold Barrier Number Two: What If it’s Just a Phase?
The second obstacle she faces is that she may be putting her marriage in jeopardy to satisfy a fleeting sexual whim of yours. It’s important to let her know that you are dedicated to this idea and that you believe in it. She needs to be reassured that it is not a “naughty phase” you are going through that will pass once you “get it out of your system.” You must be very sure that you are committed to your marriage in a cuckolded framework. The aforementioned set of questions and your honest and open responses to them, should be very instrumental in overcoming this obstacle.
Cuckold Barrier Number Three: I’m Not Sexy Enough
Once of the major reasons women lose interest in sex, even vanilla sex, is that they stop feeling desirable. It’s part and parcel of the old adage, “Women need to feel sexy in order to have sex.” After bearing a few children and many years of marriage, it’s very easy for women to lose their sexual spark. You can rekindle this by taking her on a shopping spree and buying her some sexy clothes and lingerie. You also need to prepare her for her new lover sexually. While you are out shopping, stop by an adult toy store and buy her a dildo that is about 3 inches bigger than you are. Resist the urge to buy a twelve-inch dildo, this may be very painful for her and may even give her cold feet. When you return home, use the new toy on her very carefully, do not put it completely inside her the first time. It may take a few times to relax and open her to the degree that she can take it entirely. Introduce it very slowly and lovingly. Tell her how sexy she is. You may even wish to take her out to a club in her new sexy outfit. Tell her to dance and flirt to her heart’s content. In order for her to truly embrace cuckolding you, she must feel sexy and desirable by other men. This re-introduction to the dating scene and garnering all of that wonderful male attention (with your total and complete approval), may just whet her cuckolding appetite so much that she jumps in with both feet!
Just because you do your homework and present your assignment (your responses to the aforementioned questions) to you wife, does not mean that she is going to gleefully shout, “Let’s do this!” By engaging her in this dialogue, you are merely opening a door, or planting a seed. Even if she doesn’t agree at first, she will be mulling it over in her mind. Women need time to see themselves in a different light. You wife will need even more time to channel her inner “slut,” if you will. Give her the tools and the space to recognize and embrace herself as your “hot wife” and you may just have one on your hands.